Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
