And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
