I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
