i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize