Yo dont text me then not text me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
