U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
