either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
