so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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