i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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