Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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