also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
