They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
