I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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