so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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