It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
