You really coming over, don't trick.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
