dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
