why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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