Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
