I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
