Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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