Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
