the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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