why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
