I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
