trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
