Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Two words: blizzard sex
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
