New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
