They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
