Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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