Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How does one acquire holy water?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
