The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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