I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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