Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
