Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
