her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
