her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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