i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize