Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize