Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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