And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
why didn't you poke me back
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We got so high we made milksteak
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
