i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
