I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
