So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
