I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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