I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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