I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
