He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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