I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
