6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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