sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
