Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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