update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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