you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
