You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
