Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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