i jhust puked up my retainher.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
