It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
