How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
