you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
