She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
