I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
