I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
