it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
