What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
