so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
