when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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