i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just googled if crying burns calories
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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