i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
