can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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