not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
All I want is dick and wine.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
