i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
