the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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