he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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