you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize