It's Friday. Sex?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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