the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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