just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
