she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
