i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
