dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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