I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize