Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
