peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Randomize
