i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize